So everybody was all hyped because Lil Wayne sold a million copies in his first week. He was on every song under the sun and omnipresent on the mixtape circuit so to me anything under a mil would have been a failure anyway. The real shocker for me was that Plies sold 215k in his first week. That’s no joke nowadays. In today’s music business that makes you a superstar so I guess Plies is the latest edition to hip-hop’s elite.

I never heard any of his songs except “Shawty” but that’s my joint so congratulations man. I did however read some shit that disturbed me something terrible. I was sifting through a magazine, which one I can’t remember and there was an article comparing 2 Pistols to LL Cool J. As you all know I’m all for passing the torch, in fact I encourage it, but let’s save comparisons like that for when they are truly deserved. We’re talking about a man that shaped an entire culture so lets go easy on the comparisons.

Speaking of 2 Pistols there was a rumor going around that he got his ass beat by Dolla. I can’t express how little I give a shit but why is it that rapper’s always have to fight at awards shows? Why not fight on the street like normal people? Why pick the one day of the year when you’re wearing a suit (or at least should be wearing a suit) to start some shit? Grow up fellas, seriously.

Moving on, I was speaking to somebody from Tennessee a couple days back and Yo Gotti came up in the conversation. Man, when I tell you that this guy is fuckin’ famous in Tennessee I mean it. First of all dude’s fans are ride or die to the fullest.Secondly, I heard that when his shit drops, every Wal Mart in Tennessee is stocking it heavy and lines are out the door. I always found him to be a real talented cat and I figured he would blow on a national level.

Shit, maybe he doesn’t even want to since he’s getting the royal treatment in his hometown. I’ve been trying to interview him but I have never been able to get a hold of him so if you read this, holla at me Gotti!

Another thing I wanted to touch on was the now famous 50 Cent and Young Buck conversation. I don’t know why 50 taped the conversation. I understand the position 50 is in and he always has to have one up on everybody but Buck was supposed to be fam so I’m not really feeling that. As far as Buck getting emotional, I could understand that. Imagine making 10 million dollars and one day you turn around and it’s gone and even worse you don’t know where it went. That could be some disturbing shit.

I go through the same shit but lucky for me creditors don’t target people who’s assets include a Metro Card fun pass, 3 singles, a broken lifesaver, and a wrinkled picture from a magazine of Lauren London. (I’m gonna use parentheses to keep this short but speaking of Lauren London, that girl can’t be human as beautiful as she is, holla at me Lauren!).

Seriously though, I think people should stop hating on Buck and 50 because honestly we don’t know what the hell was going on. Fans get this image of 50, Yayo, Banks and Buck just sitting around playing Madden all day and then firing up the Ferraris and all going clubbing together at night. It’s not like that people. When there’s no G-Unit project I bet they see each other once or twice a month tops, which can obviously cause confusion for any group of friends especially when the friends all happen to be platinum rap stars.

Who knows what kind of communication they had? Who knows how the journalists were quoting them? Shit, even regular friendships can be hard to keep up with. Imagine one with the media and yes men and 500 million dollars involved. There are bound to be some issues.

Another thing kids should take from that phone call is that money is harder to come by than you think and rappers might not have all that they claim to have. It seems like everybody I talk to nowadays is a rapper. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the following comments, “You know I’m a janitor at the elementary school but I got my music shit poppin’ on the side”(Translation: I’m a janitor at the elementary school but I recorded a freestyle and put it on Soundclick once.), “I make beats, I just deliver pizza 5 days a week so I could be out amongst the people and see what they feelin’, you know I get money”(I have ProTools in my mother’s basement and I deliver pizza 5 days a week.

While I’m delivering it I open the windows of my 1984 Honda Accord and blast my beats.), “I’m just tryna get this music thing poppin’”(Translation: I do nothing but I want to be a rapper badly. I have a Myspace and everything, wanna check it out?).Now I don’t wanna knock anybody’s dream or hustle because there are people getting money and there are people who are really talented but I feel a responsibility to let people know that rapping is not for everybody.

Just because you don’t want a conventional 9-5 and you don’t want to go to school doesn’t qualify you to be a rapper. People send me a lot of music and a lot of Myspace links and I have to say that 99% of them are terrible and I don’t just mean bad, I mean really, really fucking terrible. These people are so terrible it makes me wonder about their self-perception. They have to at least have an inkling that they’re this bad, don’t they? On top of the quality being the worst, the rapping is just laughable, it is so bad.

These people cover 99%. .5% percent of these people are unpolished and could probably serve in some capacity in the music business if they keep working at it, possibly as ghostwriters or mixtape producers. The other .5% are people who could be artists or producers if they hustle hard and stay determined and focused. Those aren’t good percentages.

Like I said, I’m not out to hurt anybody but ask yourself this, “Am I actually good”? If you really sit down and think about it I’m sure you’ll realize that you suck. The few of you who are good will know by the surprised reaction you get from outsiders. I’m doing a public service here. I mean, c’mon, what happens if you sit in your basement for 10 years making wack beats that nobody wants? You’re going to be 28 with no job, no skills, no education, no money, and chances are a bad case of clinical depression. You better get a stick to beat off the ladies though as we all know these are the qualities they look for in a man.

C’mon fellas, I understand that 40 years in a cubicle sucks so don’t do it. Do something else. Start a business. There are a million businesses you can run from restaurant, to barbershop, to clothing store, anything. If you make the right moves there’s a high probability of you becoming very, very comfortable financially, maybe even rich. It’s all on you and your success won’t be in the hands of a fickle hip-hop audience. Bottom line is this, if you suck then stop trying to rap, period. I flew off the handle again and you made me type 8 trillion words about bullshit so I’m signing off now. Peace and I’ll see you next week!